You know you are in love when the other person leaves. Maybe they have to run down the street to pick up some dry cleaning, or go away on a business trip, or perhaps they just live far away and can only come visit you when the timing is right.
When they leave you feel less than half and an empty space starts sucking at the void that can only be found in the pits of your chest. It’s a black hole that sucks, and sucks, pulling so hardly at your heart… and it hurts because you can’t fill it until they come back.
I mean, you’ll try, you have to try to feel whole. Maybe you’ll eat buckets of mac and cheese, you know heavy rib sticking food, or you will read so many books until the words fill up every space of you and start bursting from your ears. You could also push it away, you know run until you can’t breath so that feeling of being halved doesn’t bother you so much. Or you could sink into it, cry and sob, roll up into a ball, although I don’t suggest that.
It’s hard to explain, but when you are in love you feel complete with the person you belong with and when they are gone, even for the smallest fragments of time, you are cut in half and you become half empty again.
Tossing and turning at night brings heavy circles under my eyes, but I can’t sleep, I can’t think because my heart is hurting. The space where your head should fall is empty and I can’t keep thinking when will it be filled by your thick brown hair and smiling eyes.
The finger spaces in my hands have been spotted, searching, for rings to fill their spaces but nothing feels as right as your hands in mine. Wetting my lips does nothing, but remind me of your kisses, and my head is spinning dizzy with thorough thoughts of missing you.
They say when you lose someone you love your life feels empty, or like it is missing something. My life doesn’t feel empty, it doesn’t feel halved, but instead it feels forced. My artistic eye can’t find the beauty in life, the colors are faded and I know why. You were the light in my life, and since you have left everything has cooled.
I live daily because I have to, but things won’t be the same while you aren’t here. I just wait, and hope, that soon you will come back to me.