We weren’t built to stand tall like trees,
and even trees know how to sway in the breeze.
To be strong they say you can’t break,
but unfortunately my leaves have already started to shake.
Why is it without you somehow the spaces extend,
they continue to grow, and remind me I lost my best friend.
Space, that’s what you asked for, “I need space”, that’s what you said
but I am the one whose been swallowed up by it instead.
Life seems hazy as I wonder in this maze.
There is no out point, no center, I will wonder for days.
For weeks, for months, yes even for years.
You’re too far, I’m lost, I just need you near.
I said I’d be strong,
but this is taking too long.
I’m counting down the seconds till I’m back in your arms.
Tossing and turning at night brings heavy circles under my eyes, but I can’t sleep, I can’t think because my heart is hurting. The space where your head should fall is empty and I can’t keep thinking when will it be filled by your thick brown hair and smiling eyes.
The finger spaces in my hands have been spotted, searching, for rings to fill their spaces but nothing feels as right as your hands in mine. Wetting my lips does nothing, but remind me of your kisses, and my head is spinning dizzy with thorough thoughts of missing you.
They say when you lose someone you love your life feels empty, or like it is missing something. My life doesn’t feel empty, it doesn’t feel halved, but instead it feels forced. My artistic eye can’t find the beauty in life, the colors are faded and I know why. You were the light in my life, and since you have left everything has cooled.
I live daily because I have to, but things won’t be the same while you aren’t here. I just wait, and hope, that soon you will come back to me.
I like when you stare at me to the point where I feel uncomfortably beautiful. Study me so when I’m no longer here or in case we are pulled apart, you will remember me as I am. I feel the heat of your lips as they lick the outline of my face and I see your eyes dive into me, searching for missing pieces to put it all together, and you’re linking it.
Smiles spread from lobe to love, not because I’m laughing at you to stop but because you gazing past five seconds means you see me.
You see me.
You really see me.
Hearts can be so complicated at times, and emotions equally difficult to understand.
Hence the reason I write.
^ Inspired me to write what is below…
Sound as a perfect blanket of snow, I laid my emotions down on the mountain. Flawlessly I built up each layer, keeping still, making it thicker, deeper. However, all that building was straining, and I was waiting for the trigger.
Which came and caused my avalanche, dragging and drowning down all in my path, pulling them deep into my current. I buried them under my outbursts, froze their minds to believe I was unstable, because I couldn’t stay quiet.
Until, I rediscovered I could layer the blanket onto a canvas of white. I could let the avalanche flow smoothly and forever stay sound.
Write me a letter, a letter filled with the pulse of your heart. Craft it with imperfections so that every time I miss you, I will feel and find you in each curve of every scribble. Don’t over think it, just let the words flow.
It can be short, two sentences, or as long as two pages. What the letter says can be as simple as your day, or as complicated as your feelings, it doesn’t matter. You see I want this letter so I can have a piece of you, forever.
I want to smell your skin in the paper, feel the sweat you may break in the ink and hear the smile in the choosing of your words. In the spaces of the lines I hope to see your eyes, and between each word a memory.
Let your fingers comb through each word, let your lips slide across the edges and tears fall if you wish. Rub it against your cheeks, slip it between your thighs and slide it through your hair.
This letter is your being. Alive, speaking with your voice, living even when you are gone.
I want the being, the sense, the feeling of feeling wanted. I miss the rush, the excitement and exhilaration of knowing there is someone out there who wants me. Someone who wakes up every morning and the first subconscious thought, without thinking, is my face, my name, and the longing to see me that day. Through out the day I miss knowing that someone whom I love is missing me, or wishing I was with them. To lock eyes with. To intertwine fingers with. To laugh with and tell jokes to. To complain to, tell stories to, to listen to and kiss too. I want to go to bed again with the security of your body next to mine, shielding me from the harsh reality of reality just because you want to keep me pure and separate. I want to fall asleep entangled in your arms because you want to hold me, because you want to rock me, comfort me until my eyes shut. While I dream I want to feel your hot skin keep my body warm and know you are still awake studying my face, watching me sleep and brushing your lips against my cheeks, my eyes, my lips. I want to know when you close your eyes, the last thought you have is me. And even if you can’t sleep by my side or see me everyday, I want to wake up knowing no matter what happens I am wanted by you, and you only.
& if I confided this in you I know you would whisper to me, “There are many men out there who want you”, but I do not want to feel wanted by them. For those who want me that I do not know, I feel nothing for. I want to be wanted by you, you alone. Yet you do not want me, instead what you want, is anyone but me.
So I feel alone.